I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
