Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
