you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
