we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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