You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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