Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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