Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
