Say something about gay babies.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
