I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
