Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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