I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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