She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
