Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
