last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
