You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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