I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
