Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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