He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
