it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
