Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
