Dual....:-)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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