They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
