i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
