So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
