you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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