I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
