Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this just has baby written all over it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
