Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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