Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
