Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nicole vs. Life
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We got so high we made milksteak
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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