Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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