I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
