giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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