the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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