spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
