i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
