No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
