seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
