its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
