know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
