sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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