She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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