your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
