did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
