my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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