please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
