What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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