This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
