ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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