you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
